It’s been a long month

My apologies for going a whole month between posts…I was on a roll for a while writing regularly, but the past month has kind of beaten it out of me.  I had the plague (or so I thought) for several weeks.  It turned out that the “virus” that was treated with antiobiotics and a whole lot of nothing is in fact silent reflux.  Why would I suddenly develop silent reflux out of nowhere?  Because I’m pregnant!  Which is a great thing.  But the reflux is not…it’s resulted in a cough that leads me to gag/puke, awful post nasal drip and congestion, a singing voice that is inconsistent from all the ick happening, and an inability to eat or change position (sitting to standing, etc.) without coughing.  What I thought was the plague has led me to a walk in clinic, a GP when we were away on vacation, my GP, and finally after a coughing fit that left me unable to breathe, an ENT and pulmonologist.  What have I learned through all this?  No offense to the medical profession, but the internet has been more helpful than any one of these doctors in helping me figure out what’s going on.  For the first three weeks, each doctor told me that my choking, gagging cough was just a virus, and I had to ride it out.  So I did…with tea and honey, and lots of fluids, and chicken soup, and a humidifier and sleeping on three pillows, and….nothing.  After one of the choking fits that numerous doctors assured me was normal, I saw an ENT, who told me I had reflux and some allergy issues, and recommended I see a pulmonologist for the breathing issues.  I saw the pulmonologist, who administered Albuterol, which sent me into yet another awful laryngeal spasm.  This doctor recommended allergy/asthma meds.  So now I’m on an OTC antacid and Singulair.  I’m a bit freaked out, as I took nothing in my pregnancy with Ellie.  I actually don’t think I need the asthma medicine, because these attacks are happening when I eat or change position, and can be curbed with drinking water, so clearly the issue is reflux.  So now, I have to make my diet as bland as possible, take an antacid, sleep on a wedge pillow to raise me up so I don’t reflux at night, and I use a neti-pot to deal with whatever congestion happens.  So…while I am really excited about having another child, this pregnancy is not much fun thus far.  This kid better be cute!

Speaking of not much fun…Republican primaries.  I mean, they’re fun if you like watching a clusterfuck circus of Christian white guys all try to out Christian-right each other.  But as you know, that’s never been my thing.  So I can’t even stomach the debates.  If I have to hear Newt Gingrich make another racially tinged comment about food stamps, I’m going to break my hand attempting to punch him in his saggy jowls through my television set.  The only highlight of the whole season is watching the coverage on MSNBC…I do loves me some Rachel Maddow, after all.  And Obama’s State of the Union address almost made up for all the ignorant blather of the Republican debates.  Good lord, I do love that Barack Obama, and his enormous brain that’s full of rational thoughts.

On the other hand, speaking of fun…Ellie is the funniest, cutest thing on the planet.  She NEVER stops talking, and has an obsession with her Thomas the Tank Engine toy.  She takes Thomas everywhere, and has a running monologue going with him all day long.  It’s hilarious.  She speaks in full sentences (and usually with correct grammar, which does my heart good), and makes up little songs.  Yesterday, she sang something, and told me it was Florence and the Machine…and it actually sounded like Florence.  This kid is awesome.  When I feel frustrated about how crappy I feel during this pregnancy, I look at Ellie, and it helps to remind me that this ick is temporary, and good things lie ahead.

And so…it’s been a long month.  I promise to try and do a better job of posting, and hopefully this reflux will dissipate as I go into the 2nd trimester.  And if not…well, I guess I will be eating a lot of Cheerios this pregnancy, since that’s about the only thing that doesn’t make me reflux.  Sigh…I miss pizza.

Let’s caucus!

I’m watching tonight’s Republican Iowa caucus, and thinking the following thoughts:

1. I miss 2008. Watching Obama win Iowa was amazing. The world was a brighter place the morning after Iowa. It’s going to be a lot less exciting watching this primary season with it only being a Republican contest.

2. I am grateful that MSNBC (and especially Rachel Maddow) is covering this.  She rocks my world, and I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve got a bit of a girl crush on her and her enormous brain.

3. I’m hoping that Ron Paul takes Iowa. As much as I wouldn’t vote for him (or pretty much any Republican) in the general election, I think he’s got some interesting ideas, and he is willing to buck the Republican establishment, which is a pretty novel thing in the GOP.

4. Last but not least, Santorum must be so excited about what’s going on tonight that against his own will he’s got his own personal Santorum surge going on at his headquarters. (Ew. Gross, I know. But a girl can’t blog about the Iowa caucus without at least one Santorum reference, can she?)

OK…that’s it for me. Off to bed, where I will fall asleep before the Iowa caucus is decided. And since it’s not 2008 (and I have a toddler who will be up at the crack of dawn), I’m okay with that.  Good night, political junkies!

Follow up: the morning after

And so the Republicans caucused long and hard into the wee hours of the morning (am I the only one who thinks the word caucus sounds dirty?  Just wondering.)  and the results were that Mitt Romney beat Rick Santorum by eight votes.  EIGHT VOTES.  I can only conclude the following from the results:

1. Wow, Republicans. You REALLY don’t want Mitt Romney to get this, do you?

2. Wow, Iowans. Over 30,000 of you haven’t googled Santorum yet.

See you next time in the Granite State, New Hampshire, where they are far too proper to caucus, and instead go at it primary-style.

In defense of liberalism

After a year fraught with political turmoil and polarization, I thought it fitting to make my last post of 2011 an explanation of why I feel as strongly about my positions as those on the right. This nation has experienced a lot of political turmoil this past year, and the next year promises to bring even more. I thought that rather than left and right coming at each other with claws out and fangs bared, it might be helpful for those who see things differently than I do to understand (though not necessarily agree) where I’m coming from.

First off, I’m not a godless heathen, despite what you may have heard from Rush Limbaugh et al. Like many other people in this country, I believe in God. I also believe in the separation of church and state. For me, my religious beliefs are deeply personal and important, and have played an important role in shaping who I am and how I view the world. I think the same holds true for many folks of all political and religious persuasions. Where I differ with conservatives is that I am adamantly opposed to religious beliefs playing any role in the law of our land. Opponents of abortion, same-sex marriage, death penalty, etc., often quote the Bible to illuminate and defend their viewpoint, but I actually think that this weakens their argument. Conservatives speak about wanting less government in citizens lives, and creating laws based on religious principles is a direct violation of our constitution and of conservative principles.

I think that conservatives often misconstrue liberals as people who don’t value traditional family values. It couldn’t be any less true in my case. I am the poster child for convention and tradition. I was schooled in a private religious day school (albeit a Jewish one), and was raised with a strong understanding and appreciation for my faith. I was a public school teacher, which is a job that I left to raise my daughter. My husband and I work hard to live on one salary (plus the bit that I make from my part time work), we live in a small home, and he does all the repair work himself. We incorporate our heritage and faith in the traditions that we are creating with our daughter. I mean, really…how much more conventional can I be?

So why aren’t I a conservative? It’s not because I don’t value family, or because of a lack of faith. To put it simply, it’s because my life choices are exactly that…a choice. And I don’t want the government to play a role in determining those choices for me or anyone else in this country. I want everyone to have the right to make their own decisions about how best to live their lives without the government playing a role in that. It’s fine to live your life as the Duggar family does, or as a homosexual couple, or as a single man or woman.  No one’s choices are more moral than anyone else’s.  Our country was founded on the freedom to make these decisions for ourselves as we see fit, without the government legislating these choices.

OK…round two.  I believe that the government provides important services and a social safety net for its citizens through government programs(another area where conservatives and I disagree). While many conservatives view government programs as an infringement on their rights, I disagree. For me, programs like Medicare/Medicaid, food stamps, WIC, unemployment benefits, Social Security, and numerous others is how the government cares for its citizens while still maintaining a separation of church and state. The argument in favor of government programs is a moral one, not a religious one, and for that reason, I stand behind it with every fiber of my being. While I am opposed to religion playing a role in legislation, I am an enthusiastic proponent of morality and concern for my fellow man playing a role in shaping the laws of our land. And yes, I’m aware that those are principles that are a part of religion, but they transcend any one religious belief. It’s why a Jew, a Christian, a Muslim, an agnostic, a Buddhist, and an atheist (sorry to any religion I left out…) is capable of caring for his or her fellow man, because that morality is an important part of our human moral code.

And there it is…my brief defense of liberalism.  I am pretty sure it’s not going to win the hearts and minds of those who feel differently than I do, but I thought it was time that the record be set straight about what being a liberal really is.  I wish all my friends of all beliefs a joyous new year, and look forward to continuing a spirited and respectful debate in 2012.

The Mommy Panda and the Baby Panda

Since it’s been almost three weeks since Ellie last nursed, I guess that I can officially say that she is weaned. Weaning was something that I thought would be really stressful, and I actually was dreading it.  But as with many things regarding parenting, I was surprised on this one.

I had been contemplating whether or not to wean Ellie for months. If someone had told me when Ellie was born that I would nurse her for two years and four months(!), I wouldn’t have believed it. The convention in this country is to nurse until one year, when kids can have cow’s milk. As Ellie had been diagnosed with a milk protein allergy as an infant, I wasn’t inclined to want to introduce cow’s milk quickly, and I also found that as she neared the one year mark, there was an emotional connection that neither one of us was ready to let go of.  And so the nursing continued past one year. I figured we’d stop in the next few months (I didn’t know anyone who’d nursed beyond 18 months). Little did I know that when Ellie turned 18 months, she’d be in a very clingy and needy phase, and letting go of nursing was the last thing she’d want to do.  A couple of months later, I resigned my teaching position, and the world suddenly felt full of unknowns to me, and letting go of nursing wasn’t something I was ready to do, either.  (Another thing I wasn’t ready for…Ellie actually referring to it as “booby”. In public. Sometimes throwing the word “Yummy” in beforehand. Slightly mortifying, but I was impressed with my then 18 month old’s use of adjectives.)

I started to panic a bit as we hit the summer before her second birthday. I had never planned to nurse that long, and I was definitely feeling some of the societal pressure to wean, with people giving me the feeling that the whole thing was “unnecessary” and “weird”. I knew that there were people out there who nursed that long (I became very fond of the moms at the Berkeley Parents Network and Ask Moxie, two great parenting forums), who made me feel like I was in good company. As I opened up about my feelings to a couple of acquaintances that I felt comfortable with, I was pleasantly surprised that a few people that I knew and admired had also nursed their kids longer than was “normal”, and I began to feel less alone.  I took the approach with Ellie of gentle encouragement, gradually decreasing some of the feedings that made me feel resentful, and keeping the ones that both of us felt were important.  With each change, I was pleasantly surprised that because she was older and the nursing sessions weren’t disappearing cold turkey, she adapted well.  We were down to two feedings (naptime and bedtime), and I had no idea if and when those would disappear.  I also wondered if she would ever take a nap without nursing to sleep.  I think it’s part of why I nursed as long as I did- I really need that break in the day that is naptime!

The greatest surprise of all is that Ellie initiated weaning from her last two feedings on her own. Every now and then, she’d skip one, and that became a more common occurrence. And several weeks ago, she started telling me “No Mommybooby. I want stories.” And so we’d read lots and lots and lots of books until she was pretty sleepy. She’d still ask for M-B when I turned off the light, but was just as happy cuddling in my arms. This went on for 10 days, and at that point, she was weaned, with very little anxiety or tears.

One of the most moving moments I’ve had as a mom happened this past week. Ellie has three panda bears: a very large one(Mommy) and two smaller ones (one is medium sized, the other really tiny). She put the medium sized one in the Mommy’s arms, and said “Baby wants Mommybooby”. At that point, I took out the tiny panda and said, “Ellie, do you see this baby panda? His tummy is so tiny, and he can only have Mommy booby. But the bigger panda can eat all the things that you eat, so he doesn’t have Mommy booby much anymore.”  We talked about all the things she and bigger panda love to eat. Then I said, “Even though this panda doesn’t have Mommy booby, he and Mommy snuggle all the time. Mommy panda always has snuggles for her panda.” At which point, she put the panda’s head on the Mommy panda’s shoulder and said, “He can snuggle and sleep on Mommy’s shoulder”, which is how she’s fallen asleep in this period of weaning. I got a bit choked up, and said, “That’s right.”, and hugged my beautiful little panda.  I think that both of us need those cuddles on a daily basis- they’re not just for her.  Ellie nuzzling in my arms has taken the place of this beautiful ritual that provided both nutrition and nurture for over two years, and I treasure her snuggles the way I treasured the years I spent nursing.

When I look back at the past couple of years, I’m so grateful that I had this experience of nursing and bonding with Ellie. While it had its challenges during the first year (thrush and Ellie’s milk/soy protein allergy that I overhauled my diet for), I wouldn’t change it for anything. Nursing has laid a great foundation for the close and affectionate relationship we have, and I think it helped me to be really attuned with my daughter, both physically and emotionally. So while the breast-aurant may be closed, the experience of nursing my daughter for two years and four months has left my heart full of love and wide open to the next place where our journey together will lead us.

So about this war on Christmas…

Every year, in the midst of the holiday season, full of yuletide cheer, the Fox News types take up their cry that America is waging a war on Christmas. This claim is as perennial as the Christmas trees, wreaths, and lights that are the hallmarks of the season. From the first Black Friday sale through the New Year, Americans everywhere are defending Father Christmas from these heinous attacks. Or at least that’s what Fox News would have you believe.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and piss lots of people off when I call bullshit on that claim.  People are decorating their homes, buying and wrapping gifts, and making plans with family and friends to celebrate the holiday.  So what’s the problem?  Apparently, this war on Christmas boils down to one all-important fact: sometimes the greeters in Wal-Mart and the cashiers at Target have the nerve to wish their customers “Happy Holidays” (gasp!), instead of “Merry Christmas”. Shall I fetch the smelling salts to revive you?

As a Jew, I have to tell you that the “Merry Christmas” exchange has no good ending for me.  If I say, “Merry Christmas” in response, then I ignore my own traditions to respond “appropriately”.  If I say, “Oh, thank you, but I celebrate Chanukah”, then there’s the awkward, “Well, Happy Chanukah” from the checkout person, even though Chanukah  ended three weeks earlier.  And if I say the blasphemous “Happy Holidays” in response, well then I’m just a soldier in the War on Christmas army. I can’t win…what’s a Heeb to do? I can imagine that the Muslims, Buddhists, agnostics, and atheists have had similar experiences, and honestly, it’s just uncomfortable.

I don’t see what the big deal with saying “Have a wonderful holiday season” is, and how this is an attack on Christmas and Christianity as a whole. I respect the holiday and my friends who celebrate it, but while this nation is mostly Christian, that’s not the case for all of us. I don’t see how acknowledging the diversity in our nation is an attack on any one faith. And I really don’t understand how a holiday that holds so much importance in the Christian faith is so easily affected by what a Wal-Mart greeter says or doesn’t say as you’re checking out.

I grew up in a mostly Jewish community, and when I went away to college in rural Northern New York, I was struck by the fact that many people off of Long Island had never met a Jew, and were entirely unaware of our holidays and traditions.  That made me feel isolated and lonely at times, particularly during the holidays, and I had to really look inward to find a sense of Jewish identity.  If I had relied on the stores, the school calendar, or the events around the campus to provide me with a sense of spirituality and faith, I would have come up with very little to sustain me.  While they weren’t always easy, those years gave me a real appreciation for my faith and its traditions, something that I hadn’t always felt when I was on Long Island.  Although I returned to Long Island after college, the lesson that I am responsible for my own spirituality, and for creating traditions in my family, has remained with me.

Which is why I’m so confounded by this whole “War on Christmas” thing.  We live in a country where everyone is free to practice (or not practice) their faith as they see fit.  There are an abundance of religious institutions where you can worship without fear.  This is what people in other nations long for, and have died for.  With that in mind, how on earth can anyone say that we have any sort of religious war going on based on the checkout girl at Kohl’s holiday (oops, I did it again!) greetings?  I’ve thought about this quite a bit, and all that I can come up with is that if people need to hear retail employees wish them a “Merry Christmas” to feel that their faith and tradition is “safe”, then perhaps they need to reevaluate what drives their beliefs in the first place.  As far as I’m concerned, if your spirituality is defined by Wal-Mart’s/Target’s/Kohl’s saying “Merry Christmas”, then perhaps the perpetrator of the war on Christmas is…you.

It’s a question of right and wrong

Yesterday I had a bit of a heated exchange with a friend (well, not anymore) on Facebook. I had posted one of my usual snarky statuses: “Herman Cain is out of the race because of sexual harassment allegations, and Newt Gingrich (who left his sick wife for his 3rd wife) is now the front runner. And the Republicans are the party of “family values” …riiiiigggghhht.”.  (I later corrected myself; Gingrich left his first wife, who was ill.  In his second marriage, he committed adultery while investigating President Clinton in Congress.)  But I digress.

My post got a whole bunch of “likes” (birds of a feather flock together, after all), and then this friend who I never talk to on facebook wrote the following: “Why do u feel the need to constantly bash republicans?”  I was kind of put off by the aggressive tone of the post, especially because this is someone that I never talk to.  I was also put off by the use of “u” instead of “you”…I mean, really, how hard is it to type an extra two letters and spell the word correctly?  Come on.  But again, I digress.  I responded with: “I have no problem with Republicans per se. I think that plenty of them have good ideas, and when the government works together can get things done. What I do have a problem with is people who do not themselves act morally telling other Americans how their lives should be lived. If you have a problem with my views and how I express them, feel free to unfriend me.”  Which this person promptly did.

The exchange left me wondering why I feel the need to be so political and snarky all the time, and I gave it some thought.  I’ve come up with a few reasons:

1. I don’t follow sports of any kind (other than the Olympics, but I don’t think that counts), or celebrities, so I think that politics are my version of that.  It’s interesting that people can bash the opposing team ad nauseum, or talk about their favorite programs/celebrities, but talk about politics?  Blasphemy!  Maybe it’s why we have a largely uninformed electorate…

2. I’m a person of strong opinions (spoiler alert!), and politics is an arena where strong opinions are a prerequisite.  So my big mouth, which people constantly told me to shut while watching football, is actually welcomed in political discussions.

3. This is the biggie: I’ve said it before, but for me, politics is more than entertainment.  (Though it is entertaining, for the record.)  It’s a reflection of the conscience and morals of our nation.  And I see a lot of shit going wrong.  While there are parts of the Jewish faith that don’t jive with my day to day life, the concept that has resonated most with me is the concept of “Tikkun olam”, or repairing the world.  When I see injustice in our political system, I get angry, and my commentary and involvement in politics is my attempt to be a small part in repairing the world.

And that’s why my panties get in a bunch when elected leaders try to legislate a woman’s right to choose, homosexuals right to marry or serve in our military, or who should live or die in our penal (that word still makes me giggle at 35!) system.  My undies get twisted even further when these same legislators try to tell me and the rest of the American people that social programs like Medicare and Social Security are what’s destroying our country, or that everyone having healthcare is akin to socialism (for the record, I’m not sure what exactly is so bad about socialism).  And what really gets the undergarments wedged in a semi-permanent thong (have I beat this analogy to death yet?) is that all of this happens under the auspices of “morality”, that the “free market” is moral.  And that’s just an out and out lie that I refuse to swallow.  That’s not to say that capitalism is bad, but let’s not pretend that people whose priority is to make a profit above all else have the interest of humanity in mind.  That lie has been proven time and time again with health insurance companies denying people who need care, with companies like BP destroying lives and ecosystems, and Wall Street destroying our economy and housing market because profit was more important than the well-being of the American people.  In my opinion, that’s why the government is important: we need a body that can keep the natural instincts of greed and selfishness in check for the well-being of the populace.  Now, I know that sounds awfully leftie-hippie-communisty on my part, and I’m okay with that.  If the aforementioned were capable of keeping those human impulses in check themselves, then I’d let the free market dictate the fate of our nation.  But as they’ve failed to do so, it’s up to the average citizen to call upon our government to look out for us.  And I guess that’s where I wholeheartedly disagree with the philosophy of the Republican party, which is why I guess I “constantly need to bash them”, as my (former) facebook friend accused me of.

And there you have it….my long winded, couldn’t possibly fit in a facebook post response to a misspelled question.  Man, do I talk a lot.  I think that there just might be a career in politics for me!

 

An open letter to the left

Dear fellow lefties,

A few months ago I penned an open letter to the right that was snarky, irreverent, and more than slightly hostile.  Now that we’re gearing up for election season, I thought it was time that I write to you with my thoughts and suggestions for how to make 2012 the opposite of the clusterfuck that was the 2010 midterms.  We lost the 2010 elections pretty badly.  The media and right wing politicians said that it was a rejection of the Democratic agenda.  The Tea Party claimed victory.  The GOP promised to fix the economy, and instead went about trying to outlaw abortion and collective bargaining.  Here’s what I think happened: Democratic politicians, you pussied out and shied away from your message that the social safety net that government can provide is important and necessary to the quality of life of the American people.  You showed a total absence of leadership, and the American people listened to the party that was yelling louder.  It didn’t matter that what they were saying didn’t necessarily serve the interests of the average American; what mattered is that they said it with conviction.  And conviction is, in the words of VP Joe Biden, “a big fucking deal.”  How else can you explain the phenomenon that is Sarah Palin?

Democrats, learn from this.  This coming election is about your conviction in your message.  There should be no question here- you have facts, reason, and science on your side.  Rather than trying to minimize your geek factor, embrace it and let the world see it.  We don’t need any more anti-intellectuals trying to run the government, there’s more than enough of that out there.  Just tune into a Republican presidential debate if you need further proof of this.

Republicans speak in soundbytes.  Democrats speak in 1000 page footnoted documents.  Don’t believe me?  Watch the 2004 Bush/Kerry debates.  Now I’m not saying that you need to deny the knowledge in your 1000 page document; like I said, the GOP has that covered.  What I am saying is that you need to stop stammering through facts and figures and graphs when the big bad mean Republicans attack you, and simply state the truth with conviction.  Not sure how?  Let me help you.  Oh, and by the way, you’re welcome.

The economy: Both conservative and liberal economists acknowledge the importance of government spending to help get out of a recession.  We’re in the economic shitter, and the government needs to spend now, even though we’re in debt.  Once we’re back on track, we need to then work at debt reduction in the long term through tax increases (gasp on the right!), and reining in spending on entitlements (gasp from the left, I know, but it’s true, and you know it.).  When the right goes apeshit-bananafuck about spending more money, ask them why they won’t raise revenue on those who can afford it, as they ask those on the bottom to make more sacrifices.  Watch Michele Bachmann give you her crazy eyed blank stare, and Herman Cain murmur 9-9-9 like it actually means something.

National security:  Osama bin Laden was killed under the command of Barack Obama.  Regime change happened in Libya without sending in 50,000 of our troops.  Al-Qaeda’s influence is diminishing.  I’m giving you this pep talk to remind you that you’re not a pussy on foreign policy.  You’ve used your brains as well as your brawn to get something done.  So here’s your chance to explain that these wars in Iraq and Afghanistan need to end now.  Not because you’re scared of fighting, but because the cost is too high.  Too high in blood, too high in finances, and it’s not making the world or our position in it any better.  That’s the truth, and damn it, you just need to come out and say it.

Environment: There are other ways to get what we need than “Drill, baby, drill!”  Wind and solar energy are the future, and can create a whole new economy with jobs for our college educated graduates.  American car manufacturers are on their way back from the dead, thanks to the US bailout that happened under President Obama.  Now’s the time for the government to regulate (gasp! goes the right) higher fuel efficiency standards for these companies we saved.  This could create both green-collar and manufacturing jobs, and save the American consumer money at the gas pump.  Oh, and it’s better for the environment, too.  Plus, as President Obama said in 2008, small changes like making sure you have enough air in your tires can create greater efficiency.  The Republicans scoffed, but then the scientists verified this.  Then the Republicans laughed some more, because they hate science.  But that’s a whole other story.

Social issues (abortion, gay marriage, DADT, etc.)  I put these all under one category because these are wedge issues that Republicans thrive on.  Those who see things differently than they do don’t respect God, or the sanctity of life, according the gospel of the right.  And that’s just not true.  Being secular in your legislative policy does not make you anti-God.  It’s not about our personal beliefs; it’s about the separation of church and state.  It’s fine for religious institutions to draw lines about these issues; it’s not all right for the government to do so.  That’s what our founding fathers were talking about.  So spare me your personal beliefs- I really don’t care.  Just do what’s right under the law, that’s all I ask.

Healthcare: You need to do a better job explaining why the healthcare law is good for Americans.  The shenanigans that went on for the year or so before the healthcare bill was passed left the American people thinking that their grandmother is subject to death panels, they can’t choose their own doctor, and that getting a pap smear is how Planned Parenthood will sucker them into an abortion, even if they’re not in fact pregnant.  So now it’s time for you to set the record straight about Grandma and everything else.  It’s time for you to tell the American people about how this law means that they will never again be turned away by an insurance company for a pre-existing condition, how their children can stay on their healthcare plan until they’re 26 (which in these economic times is more important than ever), and how no one will have to go without a doctor’s care because they can’t afford the payments.  More importantly, it’s time for you to make your case that this is a moral issue; that in the words of Senator Ted Kennedy, healthcare is a right and not a privilege.  Your economic status should not preclude you from getting treated when you are sick.  When the big bad Republicans come at you for infringing on our freedom to let our fellow Americans die of medical neglect, ask them if that’s what their moral (or Biblical) code dictates.  Watch Michele Bachmann give you her patented crazy eyed blank stare, and Mitt Romney talk out of both sides of his mouth.  Then watch Rick Perry, not because he’ll say much of anything, but simply for sheer entertainment.

So here you go, Democrats.  It’s time for you to march over to Speaker Boehner, grab the mason jar marked “Democrats Balls”, find your pair, (don’t worry, you’ll know which one is yours), reattach them, and get out there and fight your battles with the truth of your message.  Don’t worry that you’re a geek fighting big mean jocks, you’ve watched enough 80′s movies to know that the skinny kid comes out all right.  (Draw your inspiration from the chorus “You’re the best around” from The Karate Kid, the slow clap in Lucas, and the moment that Terry realizes that she doesn’t have to stuff her crotch with socks and pose as a dude to run the school newspaper in Just One of the Guys (that one’s for you, LGBT friends!).  Keep your chin up, and fight off the dickhead that is Billy Zabka in every 80′s movie with the power of your conviction.

Wax on, wax off, my leftist brothers and sisters.

Shoshana

My gut

It’s been an interesting few weeks for me, both professionally and as a mom.  My new career has really started to blossom.  I had feared that when I left my public school teaching job that professional opportunities would be hard to come by, but in the past few weeks, I’ve sung a paid gig (my first in years), presented at a conference, and filled my voice studio.  I’ve started preparing next semester’s program for Chorale, and put together programs for two All County festivals that I’m guest conducting early next year.  While there is not the same certainty that I had in my job where I was tenured and had seniority, there is a whole new sense of possibility that I haven’t felt in many years.  I had thought that my successes as a musician and educator were tied to me being attached to my former job, that it was my home base.  The past few months have helped me to realize that I am my home base.  I am ambitious and a hard worker, and with determination, support, and some luck, can steer my own course.  It’s a powerful and wonderful discovery, one that I never would have realized if I hadn’t followed my gut and decided to stay home with Ellie.

I’ve been examining my beliefs and actions as a parent lately (though aren’t we always as parents?), as I try to decide what I really feel about topics like sleep, weaning, and discipline.  I have always had a hard time trusting my feelings; I tend to be influenced by what others tell me is right or wrong, and that makes me doubt myself as a mother.  I’m trying to listen to my gut as it sifts through conflicting information and feelings.

As far as sleep goes, I’ve had a hard time swallowing that I need to teach Ellie to sleep, even if that means a lot of tears (for both of us).  While that works for many parents, it just doesn’t feel right for me.  I’ve been made to fear (from the many books I’ve read and talking to other parents) that my daughter will have terrible sleep habits if I nurse, rock, or cuddle her to sleep.  I’ve read and heard (in so many words) that this is irresponsible parenting on my part, that I need to teach her to be independent.  And when I hear these words, my initial reaction is, “Oh God.  What have I done?  I’m totally fucking her up.”  But when I try to put this advice into practice, I’m a miserable failure, and it’s because it just isn’t me.  When I’m thinking about it when I’m not emotional, I realize that I never taught my daughter to be independent in any other way.  Her natural sense of curiosity, as well as feeling cared for and safe has led her to explore all sorts of new things on her own.  The phrase she utters most these days is “I do it all by myself”.  The activities to which this applies ranges from putting on her own shoes, to walking through the supermarket instead of sitting in a shopping cart, to climbing and buckling herself into her own booster seat, to learning her letters and numbers.  All of these things happened because she feels curious and safe enough to try new things, and persevere even when she doesn’t initially get them.  Why should sleep be any different?  When I allow myself to  trust myself and parent in a way that feels right to me, I have a positive experience with my daughter, and this holds true for the issue of sleep as well.

Now for weaning….we live in a society that has made nursing a toddler something to feel embarrassed and secretive about.  I had never expected to nurse this long; I had always aimed for nursing for a year, since that’s what the convention was.  I didn’t think beyond it, and I certainly never anticipated nursing a toddler who had enough verbal skills to call it by name.  (Future mothers, a piece of advice:  from the beginning, refer your boobs something other than “booby”.  It’s hard to get around your 18-month old gleefully shouting “Booby!” in Target without feeling mortified.)  I found that when Ellie turned a year, I didn’t feel any less inclined to nurse at 12 months and 1 day than I did at 11 months and 31 days.  And so Operation Booby continued, and has to the present day.  I don’t usually talk about it with anyone, and if I do, it’s kind of in a sheepish way, like “I can’t believe I’m still doing this.”  Which is true- I honestly thought she would self-wean months ago.  And so I find myself wondering: to wean or not to wean?  I’m kind of ambivalent about it; I hate to take away something that is a source of emotional comfort for her, but I also wouldn’t mind stopping soon.  I am taking the approach of gently encouraging/distracting her, which seems to be doing the trick.  The one thing that I wish is that I were able to make this decision without the feelings of judgment and shame that I’ve been made to feel.

Finally, discipline.  The so called “terrible twos” haven’t been too terrible thus far, though we’ve had our episodes of lying on the floor of Target when it’s time to leave and she’s not ready (I call her Gandhi in those moments, and she glares at me with this “Fuck you, smartass” look that I can only attribute to her being my offspring.)  It’s an awesome age, but definitely a volatile one.  I’ve found the book “Between Parent and Child” by Haim Ginott to be incredibly helpful.  The premise of the book is that when children feel like they are being heard and understood without fear of judgment, the “behavior problem” will tend to dissipate.  Now I know that this sounds like total new-age bullshit, but it actually works.  I’ll give you an example: tonight Ellie wanted to keep doing a jigsaw puzzle, but it was time for her bath.  When I said, “Ellie, it’s time for your bath”, she pulled a Gandhi.  I picked her up, and said, “You wish you could keep doing your puzzle, I know.”  She said, “Yes.”  Then I said, “I know you would like to do your puzzle, but it’s time for a bath.  Let’s go to the bath, and I’ll tell you stories in the tub.”  She said, “Mommy tell you a story.”  End of potential tantrum.  I think it’s because she felt understood, and like I respected her feelings.  I think that’s what we all want at the end of the day, to feel heard and understood.  Now, over the course of 24 hours, there are times that I get impatient, but generally, I feel like talking to my two year old like she’s a person whose emotions are to be respected feels really good, and makes me feel really connected to her.

The greatest lesson that being Ellie’s mother has taught me is that feelings (including mine) are worth listening to, are valid, and shouldn’t be categorized as “good” or “bad”, “right” or “wrong”.  I struggle with giving myself the luxury of simply feeling my feelings, and not trying to talk myself out of them, as I’ve spent much of my life doing for the sake of expediency and keeping the peace.  But I want my daughter to grow up feeling strong in her convictions, and if children learn what they live, then I’ve got to model trusting my gut, for both our sake.

Dragon moms and lost soldiers

On Sunday night, I read an article that was shared at askmoxie.org, one of my favorite parenting websites.  If you haven’t read this yet, you should immediately.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/16/opinion/sunday/notes-from-a-dragon-mom.html?_r=1&src=tp&smid=fb-share  (The author also has a blog, ourlittleseal.wordpress.com that is just as powerful and beautiful as this article.)

The author’s words and story have invaded my soul.  While it’s not the first time (and sadly, not the last) that I’ll hear of a tragic situation like this, the way that this mother has expressed her sadness, rage, and overwhelming love for her son has both devastated and uplifted me.  Her words have affected me in the way that only powerful, authentic art can; it leaves the reader/viewer/listener with a profoundly changed view of themselves and the world around them.  I cannot stop looking at my daughter, being grateful for her every move.  I held Ellie in my arms this afternoon as she napped, and I couldn’t stop kissing her face and telling her how much I love her, how fiercely I feel this emotion, how it almost takes my breath away.  I cannot stop thinking about how much I sweat the small stuff, my first world problems.  I cannot stop grieving for this mother, and wishing that I could take away her family’s pain.

In the midst of all this, I watched a story with a happy ending today.  After over five years in captivity by the terrorist group Hamas, the kidnapped Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit came home to his family in Israel today.  Alive.  This is a miracle that I didn’t imagine would happen.  Three years ago, when the soldiers Ehud Goldwasser and Eldad Regev were brought home in coffins after being kidnapped by the terrorist group Hizbollah, I feared the same ending for Shalit, who had already been in captivity for two years at that point.  When the news that Shalit was part of a prisoner exchange between Hamas and Israel came out last week, I prayed that he would be returned alive.  Looking at the photos and videos of Shalit as he saw his family for the first time, I was amazed at the resilience of this young man and his family.  He is painfully thin and drawn, and has lived through more anguish than anyone deserves to endure, but he is here with us.  His mother and father have their son back, and will be able to hold him in their arms tonight.  It is truly a miracle to witness, as an Israeli, a parent, and a human being.

Both of these stories are filled with pain and suffering, and are such a wakeup call to me to be in the moment, grateful for what I have, and less anxious about what the future holds.  I’m only in control of how I live in the moment, and I want to be better at being in the here and now.  In the aforementioned article, the Dragon Mom talks about loving her child in the here and now, because that’s all there is.  And I can’t help but think that this is true as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a teacher, and a friend.  I need to give all the love that I have in my heart to the people that I care about now, and not wait for that perfect moment.  Because the perfect moment is now.

Chilling with my congressman

I attended a house gathering for Congressman Tim Bishop this afternoon.  As a political junkie, this is exciting stuff for me.  I’ve met a couple of local politicians in my volunteering activities, but have not yet had the opportunity to do anything like this.  I’ve been looking forward to this for several days now.  I even put on makeup for the occasion!

The event was held at a beautiful home off the water in Bellport Village.  The people living in this neighborhood were clearly not the 99%.  The houses are huge, set back off the road, and absolutely lovely.  When I went inside, I was greeted by my contact person, who works for the New York branch of Obama for America.  We met during the 2008 campaign, and I really like her.  She’s an intelligent, dynamic woman, and she has a way of making people feel immediately welcome and comfortable.  We chatted for a few minutes about some of the political issues happening right now, and I was excited that she asked me to be a part of some upcoming projects/ideas.  I love campaign season.  Volunteering for the Obama campaign was one of the best experiences of my life; I enjoyed working towards a larger goal with a very diverse and interesting group of people.  I’ve really missed it.  I volunteered a bit last year for Congressman Bishop’s re-election, but it wasn’t easy to devote much time with a baby.  Now that Ellie’s a little older, I feel like I’ve got a bit more freedom to get involved again.

I met another parent there who has two kids who were attending the meeting with him.  We chatted for a bit about the challenge of finding the time to be active politically while having young children, and seeing his kids there made me get excited to bring Ellie to events in the next couple of years.  Having never been involved in this sort of thing until my 30′s, I’d love for her to grow up with this as a part of her life, so she can recognize that being involved in the political process is an important and necessary part of our democracy.

One of the highlights of the day was meeting Congressman Bishop’s deputy chief of staff.  He’s around my age, lives in a nearby neighborhood, also has young children, and has experienced politics in both Washington and here in Suffolk County.  It was really interesting talking to him about two of my favorite topics, politics and parenthood.  As a mostly stay at home mom, it’s refreshing to meet people who I normally don’t cross paths with in my frequent trips to the playground and Stop ‘n Shop.

It was then time for Congressman Bishop to speak, and then take questions.  It was exciting to see him in person; he has a warm demeanor, and is really engaging.  He spoke about the upcoming 2012 election, as well as many of the issues he’s working on in Washington.  His race was a closely contested one in 2010, and wound up being the tightest race in the country, with him winning by less than 600 votes.  Needless to say, he’s gearing up for a tough race next year.  Both Karl Rove’s PAC and the 501-C4′s are already putting money into running negative ads against him.  Listening to him speak about this was a reminder that our politics are truly messed up.  The fact that it’s all about the money is incredibly disturbing.  Part of the reason I like volunteering is that it allows me to be a part of the process (in a small way) without money being a part of the equation.  Since I don’t have much money to donate, it’s my time and energy that are valuable.  It’s too bad that’s not how the bigger picture in politics works.

The Congressman spoke about how elections matter, and how off-year elections set the tone for the state and federal elections the following year.  That was an interesting point that I hadn’t thought of.  I’m not really a local elections sort of girl; they’re just not as sexy as national politics, but his point made me reconsider my feelings, and want to learn a bit more about my local politicians.

After thanking all the volunteers that had worked on the 2008 and 2010 elections, the Congressman then took some questions.  People asked some great questions about topics like Occupy Wall Street, defense spending, how to make a moral argument for the Democratic message, and about campaign finance.  I was impressed with his answers; I thought they were thorough and well informed, and he was comfortable really going back and forth with the people in the room.  I found his responses to be in line with how I view things.  He’s a progressive, and really believes in the social safety net, and taking care of those in need, but also recognizes that there needs to be modifications that cut spending and raise revenue, like ending the wars and raising taxes on the wealthiest Americans.  I appreciated that his positions appealed to both the emotional and logical feelings that I have about the current state of affairs in our country.

I raised my hand to ask a question, and the Congressman pointed to me, but the woman next to me thought he was talking to her, and wound up asking her question.  He then tried to call on me again, but some older guy across the room got his panties in a bunch that no one on his side of the room had gotten to ask a question, and so grumpy old guy trumped political newbie me. As one of the few young people in the room (besides me and a couple of others, everyone had at least a couple of decades on me), I was in “respect your elders” mode, so I didn’t get to ask my question.  So I’ll put it out there to you, and you can answer if you’ve actually read this far: Was the so called “Super committee” created because the partisan gridlock in Washington has made it impossible to get anything done?  And does it put too much power into the hands of a very small group of people, rendering the votes of the rest of Congress less powerful, and thus rendering my vote for my elected officials less important than those voters whose elected officials are on the super committee?  Discuss.

The Congressman had to leave, as he had another event, but I spoke with his staff director before they departed, and we exchanged information, and I think I’m going to get involved in Congressman Bishop’s re-election campaign, as well as the Obama campaign.  It’s a bit overly ambitious to say that, since my life is quite different than it was in 2008, but I really like how volunteering puts me in contact with some really passionate and intelligent people, and it makes me feel like my brain is being put to good use.

So that’s my story.  It’s one that only a political junkie could love, and if you’ve actually read this far, then I hereby dub thee a fellow junkie.  Welcome to the club.  See you at the next meeting- bring your campaign buttons, and maybe we’ll do a swap.  Nerd power!